Janel Wish List

• Family

• 3 months of the year in Paris (March - May
• Weekly date night
• Improve relationship with Kendall

• Health
• Yoga 5x a week
• Lower cholesterol
• Run a 10k in 45 minutes
  
• Professional
• Try being an assistant professor at UNH
• Start a marketing analytics company
• Start an e-sports company
• Start a marketing podcast

Priorities in Life

1. Family health
2. Kids education
3. Family experiences
4. Company growth
5. Kids extra curricular
6. Retirement savings
7. Time with my parents
8. Personal learning
9. Civic contributions
10. Charitable contributions

Rome wasn't built in a day

We had an issue last night. Katie wasn't home at 6:00 and I started preparing dinner. To be clear, "starting dinner" really wasn't a plan but a specific task- cook steak.

As point of background, I have always hated cooking. Hated everything about it. I don't mind cleaning dishes (I actually like it). I wouldn't mind eating a pill if it took care of hunger/nutrition. So that means I have never been a good meal organizer. Add the complication of multiple food sensitivites/preferences (vegan, teenager, egg allergy) and you have exceeded my ability to conceptualize a well rounded dinner.

Back to yesterday. Katie arrived around 6:15. She seemed to be in a down mood already. We chatted as the steaks were prepared and she started preparing something. After the steaks were prepared, I said to Katie...OK now I need to accessorize....are you preparing the accessories? My intention was to determine if she was already tackling it and if not I was going to take care of it. She said she was.

Steaks were done and sitting there waiting for Katie to complete, which I fully intended to wait for her even if the steaks got cold. She encourages me to start eating the steaks. So I call the kids down. Katie serves the accessories for all the kids. We eat dinner, but she doesn't sit down for dinner with us (I guess because she is preparing more for herself).

Later, she admitted to being sad because we had poor communication about dinner, and that prevented her from sitting and eating with us. Admittedly, this is an area she had expressed concern about before, but she was really down and seemed to feel as though our whole relationship was a failure.

Now a few things about this:

• Rome wasn't built in a day. I can't change into someone perfect for her in just a couple of weeks. Yet she can't get down if one (I believe small) thing doesn't go right...and more importantly she can't believe the whole process is derailed because of this;
• I am not capable yet of managing a complete dinner. Much like Rome above, that will take time- and probably would need to be prioritized (see below)
• My focal point on improving our relationship is narrow. Maybe that's wrong, but I am focusing on things that we have been discussing. Please don't criticize me for things that aren't on the priority list;
• I was willing to wait before eating. Please don't tell us to eat and then be sad you didn't eat with us;

I recognize that because she has expressed similar "getting down" tendencies before, I too must forgive Katie for yesterday (pursuant to #1 and #3 above). 

Always take Mom's Side

It was our last night in Indonesia. We had gone to see the Cekak dance at Oluwata Temple. It was dark and our first restaurant choice hadn't worked out.

We were driving back to the hotel in Sanor, trying to decide what to eat for dinner.  It would be close to 9:00 when we returned.

The kids were tired and hungry. Didn't make for a good combination. Katie wanted a special dinner on the beach.

Kendall complained how she just wanted room service.

I told the kids, this is our last night, let's have the driver drop us off at the beach and have a nice last dinner at a scenic view.

Kendall replied "You always take Mom's side, never the kids side."

Too which Katie replied "No he doesn't take my side"

Kendall then replied, "MOM, he ALWAYS does."

This scene just goes to demonstrate that Katie's perception of my actions is different than my intention (trying to support her). Kendall clearly picks up on this.

Like a fish in water

Walker swimming in a pool by himself is perhaps one of the purest forms of happiness you can find. He can swim, twist, sink and blow bubbles for hours without distraction. When he surfaces and checks for who is around him, he smiles and gives a thumbs up.

We can exercise in the pool or be still. Either way he is content.

I am writing this in Indonesia and Walker has recently turned 16. This isn't a new discovery, previous trips to pools (Costa Rica, Antigua, etc.) have all proven this out.

The time has really past for us to build a pool. There just aren't enough years left with him in the house to make it worthwhile.

But we should always seek a way to allow him this momentary break from the distractions of life. It is good for him, and simply by watching, good for me.

5 Thoughts from Fortnite World Cup

I was blessed (and cursed) enough to take my son to the first ever Fortnite World Cup. Many millionaires were created from the winnings at this event. 16,000 people cheered for competitors from more than 20 countries.

Here are 5 takeaways from the World Cup:

• 3 days for a 46 year old man eating two meals of hamburgers and hot dogs is deadly. Please Epic Games, some healthy food alternatives. 
• eSports is the only sport where the players have deep interaction with their fans on a regular basis. From their many hours of live streaming, with fans chatting through Twitch, the pros are already well known not just for their gameplay but also for their personality. When they arrive at public events, they look at the fans not just as someone who wants a signature but as part of their family. These guys (kids!) are humble, personable and warm to their fans.
• The facility was air conditioned! Huge and unexpected for the venue. It made viewing very comfortable.
• eSports is VERY MUCH enjoyable as a live experience. Yes, the announcers might have been difficult to hear at times, but the passionate fan audience more than made up for that.

Summer patterns

Every summer, Kate has a tendency to blow up. It usually peaks right around the time of the junior regattta.

I believe the escalation is due to being pulled in too many directions. Unfortunately it all ends up blowing up on me.

I wish Kate could see the pattern that has developed over the years and make changes to prevent it from happening again.

Perhaps the biggest difference in how we look at things

I am always looking forward, looking at process and trends. I am usually not as concerned about fixing today's problem as I am about ensuring that today's problem doesn't recur in the future.

You are always looking at the now. That can be positive because you can enjoy the moment more than I can. But also prevents planning and avoiding disasters.

Productivity and Marriage

I've found that when Katie is in a bad spell, or indicates that our marriage is broken and needs work, that I become paralyzed. I no longer can concentrate or be productive at work. I tend to play more video games. I may even drink more alcohol during these periods (though not much more...don't get worked up over that). I tend not to want to exercise as much. Everything you might expect for depression.

Now this isn't Katie's problem. It is mine. I need to let Katie's mood not effect me. I need to be able to change my own mindset regardless of what attacks might come my way.

Unfortunately, for decades I have tied my idea of success with:

1. Staying married
2. Staying financially responsible

Right now it seems like both of those are under threat. So this puts me in a deeper state of paralysis.

Priorities

We have enough money for a lot of things. But we don't have enough money for everything. We need to prioritize how we spend our money. Whims end up wasting money and don't give the satisfaction we hope and need.

The same thing goes with time. We can't keep dividing our time among more and more things. We need to prioritize the use of our time. My priorities at this season of my life might be:

1) Family
2) Work
3) Friends

Season for everything

I recently heard someone talk about his perspective of life as seasons. There is a season for everything, and certain things can be done in summer that can't be done in winter.

Right now, with kids in high school and middle school. I am in the season of ensuring our kids grow up to be well adjusted, self sufficient participants in society.

That means that I may not be able to fully engage/nurture:

• My friends
• My wife
• My self

Don't get me wrong, I won't ignore any of these. But right now the stresses of maintaining a strong family dynamic and continued development of the kids means that I won't be at my best for these other areas of my life.

This is a sacrifice, but one that I know is both temporary and was was not a surprise. 

Positiving vs. Responsibility

I have a very hard time finding balance between maintaining a positive outlook (particularly related to finances) and being responsible with my decision making.

I very much believe in risk management. I also believe in the importance of forecasting and managing against forecasts.

I can understand that there can be a perception that making decisions and planning based on what is forecasted to be a weak environment can be perceived as "not being positive." But what happens if you don't properly plan and manage, and that weak forecast becomes a reality? In that scenario, you have dug a much deeper hole for yourself by not taking early action. If you had reduce your lifestyle by 10% for a one year period by taking early action, you would need to reduce your lifestyle by 20% if you wait six months before making changes based on reality. The difference between adjusting 10% and 20% can be significant and truly painful, as many costs are "fixed" and cannot be adjusted.

But let's assume that you manage based on a weak forecast, but the reality becomes stronger than expected. In that case, while you may have reduced your lifestyle in the short term some percentage, you are able to immediately increase your lifestyle back to at the very minimum previous levels.

Behavioral Change

Behavioral change takes time. It is not something that can happen overnight, or within a week, or a month. A year is a more likely scenario.

When you are trying to affect change, it is important to recognize that missteps will be made. That doesn't mean that the attempt to change failed, it just means that it isn't complete yet.

So if I am trying to have a more positive outlook on life, please don't believe that having one bad day means that I haven't made any progress.

I Already Know Your Bonus

November 12th. That was the day. I got a sense of it when I wasn’t the first person have pulled into the parking lot.  I was pretty sure when I saw timesheets being submitted everyday that week without me even asking. I confirmed it when my jokes suddenly became funnier.

As an owner of a marketing agency these clues led to one sign- it is bonus season-- that period when employees start positioning themselves for the best possible end to the calendar year-- the holiday bonus. Having spoken with many other business owners, I know that I am not alone when I secretly chuckle at this sudden transition into the end-of-year runout.

While I appreciate the early arrival for 6 weeks and like to have time sheets submitted without asking, I would also love everyone to know a few secrets about bonus season that I am sure most bosses will agree with:

• We remember last January (and February, and March…)- When the holiday buzz has worn off, and the bulk of the holiday bonus has already been spent, how you approach work in the new year says a lot about your commitment to the company. A bonus is an evaluation of your work throughout the year, not just 6 weeks;
• Bosses make decisions about bonuses much earlier than you realize- As I enter each new year I already have a line item in my budget for bonuses. While events during the year will cause that line item to be adjusted up or a down, by the start of the 4^th quarter I have a pretty good sense of what the bonus situation will be for the year (that means October 1, not November 10).
• You can still sabotage your bonus in November and December, but it is rare that significant upward mobility will occur during that period (however bringing in that $1 million account would certainly make me reconsider);
• While a holiday bonus is based on your individual performance, that isn’t the only factor. Planned future investment in the company and overall company performance play a great part in the size of the bonus pot. If in a year your bonus didn’t grow much due to the aforementioned factors, that doesn’t mean your percentage of the bonus pie didn’t grow substantially;
• Owners give out more in bonuses than they originally plan. For the last 15 years the amount distributed in bonuses has always exceeded what I had originally budgeted. We like our employees, are grateful for you, and really want to thank you in any way we can.

So please arrive early and laugh at my jokes. All. Year. Round. If we have a good year you will reap the rewards. I am happy that you are starting to focus on your 2019 holiday bonus on November 10, 2018. You (and the company) will benefit from it for sure.

2020 Election

I have real concern over the 2020 election. It actually doesn't really matter who wins the election. My concern is that the legitimacy of the election will be challenged. Much like the 2016 election which is perceived by many Americans as illegitimate, a 2020 election that isn't accepted by its citizens will be the most significant test of democracy since the Civil War.

Much of our society rests on a foundation of faith and trust in our government. The economy, defense, and in many cases social policy rely on the trust of its citizens to be successful. If the people don't place their trust in those in power- the very fabric of our society may crumble.

There is question today about whether the Russians meddled in our election process. They may very well have. However I would encourage this nation to put that behind us. For if it were true- the 2016 election would not be Russia's greatest wound on the United States. The real pain would come from eroding trust in the democratic process that our country relies on.

So if Russian meddling is proven- I would hope that the President is not impeached unless it is proven that he had a direct influence on that meddling. Because if he is impeached, every election from here forward will be challenged and impeachment considered. And if this happens every time, this country will make no progress- which is the greatest of all dangers.

Deadline Paralysis

I have noticed over the years that I can easily paralyze myself. When there is a deadline at work, and the ability to meet that deadline is in the hands of people outside of myself- I panic. I end up in a constant circle of checking Facebook, CNN, Chess and Soccernet. This pattern can afflict me for days.

Most likely this affliction stems from knowledge that the company has missed many deadline. I know that a properly functioning executive would address the issue of deadline issue head on, but I won't.

Part of the reason I won't is because the person responsible for meeting these deadlines is a long term employee who is just as much a reason for the success of the company as the failures of the company. In many ways I feel the company is what it is because of this person. I truly am grateful for this person.

When I look at WHY we are missing deadlines, I can easily find a few specific reasons:

• The project wasn't thought through enough in the beginning;
• Communication of what is expected between team members is poor;
• There isn't an ability to effectively estimate work that is required.

The profitability and reputation of the company is at stake. Yet, here I am, paralyzed...again.

Distractions Everywhere

I often get distracted. I don't mean a few times a day, I mean many times an hour.

There can be a few reasons for this:
1) Concussion- My concussion in the Summer of 2015 has had many effects on my life, and short term memory loss could be one of them. I don't believe this is the case however for a variety of reasons I won't get into here;
2) Technology- Plenty has been written about the technology's effects on cognition;
3) Genetics- My mother always complained that she was so interested in so many things that she didn't focus in depth on any one thing;
4) Boredom- I am going with this one, primarily because I have observed that when I choose to focus, there is no issue with distraction whatsoever.

So if I am choosing to NOT focus, is that because I don't know what to focus on? Or because I don't want to focus on what I should focus on?

I feel as though I know what to focus on- that's pretty simple:

1. My health (eating right);
2. My family
3. New business

So then I am choosing not to focus on the items that are clearly defined. That says all sorts of bad things I am sure.

Speaking of new business, a few ideas and some meaningful action this week. Some of this success comes from a change in strategy.

In the past, I would come up with a plan, get all my ducks in a row and only then make progress. Instead, I am going to take a two pronged approach-- make meaningful progress while a plan is being made. Wish me luck.

Goals for today:

1. No added sugar;
2. 2 hours of billable time;
3. 30 minutes of reading;
4. Frank conversation with Donavon about missing deadlines 

What does the marketplace want?

I think a lot of my frustration at work has been because...for the first time in my career, I am not sure what the marketplace wants.

It is easy to sell something that the marketplace wants. You simply differentiate yourself from your competition, get in front of people, and a percentage will work with you.

However if you don't know what the marketplace wants, you can't start the process.

I listened to a pitch from a company that hosts/manages Moodle installations for clients. They aren't a big company (research says about 7 people). They don't even have a great pitch.

They simply have defined a nitch that the audience wants...and are out promoting it.

I could easily come up with SOMETHING niche to pitch. Something in the cybersecurity space, or in the analytics space. The problem comes when you need to take a company with you. That involves getting buy in from senior partners and executives.

Strategy and Positioning

First a goals update.

75% (3 of 4) yesterday.

No added sugar was thrown out the window shortly after writing the blog post because our office had two birthdays and thus two birthday cakes. Happy Birthday to Bryan and Janet. Of course, because I have no willpower, this meant indulging. Hey, three out of four ain't bad.

I was able to make tangible progress on a new business piece. Specifically, a webinar on ADA compliance requirements for Websites.

The good news is that yes I made progress. The bad news is that we don't have a viable positioning or direction for the company. I know this is poor leadership on my part and I regularly beat myself up over it. I have been beating myself up over this FOR YEARS.

I made need outside help on this. I feel as though I can't see the forest from the trees as it relates to our positioning.

Goals for Today:
1) 30 mins of French
2) 30 mins of Reading
3) No added sugar
4) 1 hour of new business time
5) Do something nice for Katie

Average of the 5

There is an old adage that goes something like the following.

"You are the average of the 5 people you most associate with."

I have been thinking about that quote specifically (does work life count?) and also thinking a bit about my "network."

So I have started to build a list of folks who could lift me- either by inspiring, motivating or challenging me.

Unfortunately it is a small list right now. I wonder if that says something unto itself. The good news is that each person provides slightly different contributions to my life.

While I am at it, I thought I might as well prepare a list of those for whom I am grateful. A much larger list to be sure.

My lists:

• Hynes
• Penczak
• Ruser
• Connolly
• SHL

Grateful list:

• KT
• WM
• KM
• SAM
• CAM
• MEM
• SK
• CR
• DY
• ST
• MA

Goals for today:

• 1 hour spent on new business
• No added sugar
• 30 minutes of French study
• 30 minutes of reading